I Thought For…

I thought for her
Thought her plate was cluttered enough
That my troubles would only worsen her burden
So I decided not to share
And in going through with that
I became overcome with isolation
But I had thought for her
And chosen for her
So I had to pretend that all was well
And that I was okay with status: incommunicado
But the pretense was a tough act
I begged my heart not to ache
And my lacrimals not to form an ocean
But you know how it goes
Neither my heart or lacrimals listened
Nevertheless pain was soon replaced with complacence
But my heart silently ached
For all that was lost
And all I feared would never be regained

I thought for him
Thought he was better off free of me
That my presence in his present would only bring pain to his future
So I decided to let go of him
And in going through with that
I caused myself searing pain
But I had thought for him
And acted for him
So I had to pretend that I was pleased with my choice
And that I was happy free of him
But my illusion of happiness was exactly that
a fictional tale rested on glass so fragile
I feared it would crumble under the weight of the lightest feather
And it did crumble,
Leaving in its wake
Cuts and bruises that took years to heal
Healing to form scars that would eternally remind me
Of the indelible repercussions of thinking for others

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